ok well.  i dont really know what i am talking about.  i just thought it was time to post, so i am doing just that.  the only thing i have to do tonight is put my check in the bank.  see i am not one of tyhose people who as soon as they get their check they run the the bank to put it in. i think this is ignorant and counterproductive. the idea behind going to the bank and putting money in is...to have more money at your dispense, but to drive there just to put money in is using up your money.  essentially you are making your paycheck smaller before it even hits your account.  i stash it in my jeep and then put it in when i happen to be by the bank.  however the only problem with my technique is that i always forget to put it in when i am by the bank. then things get tight and i am absolutely forced to make a special trip. pretty much every time.
now to get off my tangent... well actually this whole post is a tangent, so this is more like on to the next part of it.   hotness.  what is it.  i wish we didnt have cultural hotness. i wish people just looked good enough to themselves and that was good.  but no, we live in a sociaty filled with airbrushed, graphically edited pictures of people that are "hot", movies with totally scripted "hot" behavior. these people aren't themselves.  they are the conglomeration of hundreds of people and thousands of hours or work.  how can an individual compete with that.  individuals in the real world who are said to be hot are too frequently just the ones who fit this image set fourth by the media.  they aren't really hot on there own terms, just hot because they fit the mold.  fuck the mold.  all it does is seperate people and make us compare ourselves to each other on artificial terms. i want people to look in the mirror and admire themselves.  come on we all look so different, why does that have to mean some look better than others.  now i have certain things that i find more attractive than others.  its just my personal preferance though.  i dont want to impose it uppon the rest of the world.  i almost can hardly explain what it is.  why though should we all have the same ideas.  now i know there is a  bit of variation allowed but i think not to the extent that there should be.  i remember back when i was like.. i dont know 8ish there was this lady in church who would sit in front of us and she had the hugest ass.  she didnt have a nice full butt.  she didnt have "back".  she had a huge ass and i was amazed by it.  i stared at it more than anything else.  now im sure she was very painfully aware of her bottom and maybe has self esteem lacking from it. i never saw anything wrong with it though it just filled me with awe. how was it so freekin big?  now when i see very big people sometimes i think incriminating things and im pissed at myself for it.  styles are funny.  in italy lots of teens had mullets and it was like, what a mullet? but i thought about it and about itallys fashion influence and i would have bet that they will be "in" here before too long.  now on the top 40 station they were talking about how the mullet is comming back in.  i havent seen it yet but i think it will.  body types, hairstyles, features... now they are all so used by the industries to sell, that the whole idea of just looking yourself is hard to back up.  there are so many images to buy into that how can we even know what ourself means. ok im starting to actually think more and it is getting hard to just flow so i am done talking about that. i am feeling like going back and revising things. i just wanted to express myself a little.  i dont have mindsay to stress myself out.  all i was saying was i just want people to be happy with themselves but i also dont want people to be proud or arrogant and even that comes from insecurity.